Why I read it: After seeing Jennie review it positively at Dear Author recently I went to buy it only to realise I had already done so at some earlier point. Then DA Jane read it and said it was really good so I moved it up Mt. TBR.
What it’s about: (from Goodreads) Can a guilty conscience keep wounds from healing?
Fine arts major, Candace Parker, grew up with a mother who thinks image is everything, and her daughter’s perfection will never be good enough. About to graduate college and pursue her dreams of becoming a professional ballerina, Candace decides it’s time to let go and have a little fun. But fun is short-lived when a brutal attack leaves her completely shattered.
The memories that consume and torment Candace are starting to destroy her when she meets Ryan Campbell, a successful bar owner. He feels instantly connected and tries to show her that hope is worth fighting for. But is Ryan harboring his own demons? As walls slowly begin to chip away, the secrets that are held within start to become painful burdens.
At what point do secrets become lies?
Warning: The main character of the book is raped and it does happen on page. I don’t think it’s gratuitous but those will triggers will probably want to avoid.
What worked for me (and what didn’t): The book starts in Ryan’s POV in a “prologue” (which threw me a bit because Chapter One is actually before the events of the prologue – which I should have remembered from Jennie’s review but I forgot). He hears a girl screaming in an alley behind the bar he owns/runs and runs to the rescue, fighting off he rapist, covering Candace and calling an ambulance. Candace is unconscious and isn’t aware of Ryan’s presence at all.
The story then really starts with Candace starting her final year of college. She is a studying Fine Arts, majoring in dance (ballet). Her dream is to dance with one of the big New York ballet companies and it is clear she’s good enough to do it too. She is fairly shy and risk averse but decides to let herself loosen up a bit – she even gets a tiny tattoo to mark the occasion. Her parents are very wealthy and her mother in particular is very (like times a million) conscious of her social standing. She disapproves of Candace in many ways and both her parents are disapointed she will not conform to their version of “respectable”. I did find this a bit difficult to understand. The parents felt a little unbelievable to me and I found it hard to see how they had not noticed just how good a dancer she is over the many years she has been studying it.
Her mother sets her up on a date with Jack, the son of one of her wealthy friends. Jack is not really her type but she is trying to be more adventurous and at the time, she doesn’t want to rock the boat with her mother. She doesn’t think there is any future for them but she goes out with him on a second date to see if sparks develop. She does find out he is a good kisser – he is able to arouse her passions but nothing else about him really rings her bells so she decides to break it off – especially after he seems to be becoming clingy and possessive. She decides to tell him she doesn’t want to date him but as she has already agreed to go to a party with him, she decides to go and tell him at the end of the evening. This doesn’t go well at all, Jack accuses Candace of leading him on – she runs out, he follows her and then brutally rapes her in the alleyway behind Ryan’s bar. Candace wakes up on the way into the hospital where she is treated and a rape kit is done. She is extremely traumatised and is terrified of people knowing what has happened to her – she thinks she did lead Jack on and brought this on herself. She does call her best friend Jase and he (and shortly after Mark, Jase’s boyfriend) is the only one who knows what happened for most of the book.
